Daniel Craig Is Not Under My House

We bought a house! After a few weeks of nosing through open houses, we picked one of the first houses we went to see. Because of course that’s how it worked out.

You can start to feel a bit burnt out after looking for a place to buy or rent for long enough. It does, however, provide you with opportunities to judge others, though. Or even just raise questions. Like why did the tenants staying in our current house keep a male mannequin in their garden shed?

On the day we could finally move into our place, my husband got their first and called me to bitch about things the tenants had left in the garden shed. Chemicals, old bags of concrete, things we didn’t want and were going to be a pain in the arse to dispose of properly. I excitedly asked him if they had left the mannequin behind, but alas, they had not. Or so I thought.

After having a bit more time to properly explore the place, my husband approached me and told me that if I looked under the house, all my dreams would come true.

“Is Daniel Craig under the house?”

Sadly, Daniel Craig was not there. But this guy was! Say hello to Chad!


What’s left of Chad, anyway!

Chad was almost a Todd, and someone suggested that he could be a Jeremy, but please. He is clearly not a Jeremy.

Chad has been tidied up a bit for a visit to the office during my last few days before the Christmas break (minus his one arm), but he probably needs to be informed re: proper office attire…..


A blanket an a smear of green paint just won’t cut it.

…..and not to be a creep at work.


Getting tired of your shit, Chad.

I’m an Australian who just experienced a summer Christmas again after living in the US for 2 years. I lurk about on Facebook , Twitter and Instagram. Come lurk with me!

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  1. Chad seems strangely charming. I can’t imagine why the previous tenants left him behind. In fact I think you should be more understanding. He’s had a rough time of it: rejected, isolated.
    I predict that if you give him a little time and a little understanding he’ll soon be part of the family.

  2. I’m happy that Chad has now found his forever home. I mean, c’mon! You even gave that poor rascal a face!

    Hopefully, your officemates will adopt him into their hearts as well. Maybe buy him a hoodie or some running shorts?

  3. That’s one of the infamous hanging Chads! Guess he wanted to get out of the country after that fiasco, but to hang out in a garden shed and then under a house in Australia? He must have really wanted to get away. I can see he is back to his old habits though. Hanging around your office now.

    I just realized you might not know WTF I am talking about since you weren’t in the U.S. in 2000.

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