Whitewater And Photoshop

“The people on the bank are NOT your friends” – whitewater rafting guide.

Last week, I went whitewater rafting for the second time. Previously we had rafted on the middle Ocoee River, TN (with a company called Quest which proudly displayed posters from the movie Deliverance in its cafe…this was not reassuring), which had quite a few rapids to negotiate right from the beginning. The Upper Ocoee, which we did through Wildwater Ocoee, had been described as a bit more of a challenge. While most of the trip was fairly mild, there was one section in particular named “Humongous”, which followed directly after another called “Godzilla”, both of which presented a challenge.

We were warned prior to tackling Godzilla/Humongous, to ignore the people that would be on the bank and not listen to anything they told us to do. “It’s like NASCAR, they’re just hoping something will happen”. Sure enough, they were there. Some of them were set up with chairs and everything, all the better to watch the hoped-for fuck-ups. Fortunately we were able to disappoint them, but the raft ahead of us did not. And they were right in our path. I was at the front and I think my face adequately reflects how I felt about that in the first 2 pictures.

Whitewater rafting upper ocoee river

whitewater rafting upper Ocoee

whitewater rafting upper Ocoee

whitewater rafting upper Ocoee

Last time we only bought one of the photos available. It was perfect, but for a splash of water in front of my face which looked weird. But hey, I know someone who would photoshop that out for me if I ask nicely! She agreed, so I sent her the photo, with this very reasonable request included:


And shortly afterwards received this:

whitewater rafting middle Ocoee photoshopped


I momentarily forgot that all my friends are jerks.

(eventually I got the pic below, with my actual head)

whitewater rafting middle Ocoee

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  1. LOL! Your request was similar to the ones in the stories where people find genies in a bottle. Their ambiguous requests often led to unintended results.

    The trip looked like fun! I’ve never done that and really want to one day.

  2. Haha I love the first version of the photoshopped photo your friend sent you! 😆 Those whitewater rafting trips look like tons of fun! I’ve heard great things about rafting Upper Ocoee. I still haven’t gone whitewater rafting (just some easy rapids in a canoe), but really wanted to go this year. Sadly, it looks like we’ll be going next year since it’s getting a bit cold for it already.

    • The safety instructions at the start did kind of freak a few of us out. “If you fall out of the boat, don’t try to stand up, your leg could get caught in a crevice and will break”. Ok then.

  3. Your friend turned you into Andie McDowell. That’s unspeakably cruel.
    Also in spite of having both seen the film and read the book ‘Deliverance’ I prefer to avoid rafts and stick to canoes. I’d rather have metal instead of rubber between me and the rocks when careening down the river at high speeds.

    • Nope, I want bounce! When we did the middle Ocoee we were told that some hillbillies had decided to try it with a metal canoe, rangers etc tried to talk them out of it etc, they went, didn’t get far before their canoe was in pieces and they were crawling up the backs a bit worse for wear. Andie McDowell always looked flawless in those cosmetics commercials, so maybe she would look the same while white water rafting as well 😉

  4. Oh man, rafting the Ocoee is amazing! We did the full day and ran both side with lunch in between. So. Much. Fun.

    I say a blogger rafting trip is in order, and halfa1000 has to come 😉

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