There are a heap of inspirational, you’re-not-alone-in-this type articles and quotes related to parenting, intended to make parents feel better when things are tough, when we feel alone and overwhelmed etc. And judging by how much they are shared around, they are probably having the desired effect on a big chunk of their intended audience.
They just don’t hit the spot for me, though. They don’t really do much for me when I feel like I’m doing a crap job or worried that I’ll be visiting my evil son in prison one day (it…isn’t looking good).
I need something else. Something not inspirational. Something more suitable for terrible people. People like me.
If you want to make me feel better……tell me about a shitty thing your kid has done lately.
Tell me about a seriously shifty parenting moment.
I want to know that you and your kids suck too. Shared suckiness.
I’d do that same for you.
Here, have some Schadenfreude!
See this cake?
It’s beautiful. It was an 6th birthday cake made by a friend of mine for her daughter. She’s not a cake-maker, which makes it all the more spesh, as it would have taken her more time than someone who does this stuff for a living. And it was for her daughter, so some love would have been poured into it as well.
The above photo was taken not long before my turd of a kid found a stick and poked a few holes in it the moment I was distracted.
Fortunately it wasn’t so badly damaged that the pics were completely ruined, birthday girl traumatized etc, but…..fuck.
Feel like you’ve maybe let your kids watch slightly too much TV lately? Been impatient and snappy with them, and not proud they’ve seen that side of you? Maybe gave them nuggets more than you should have this week?
Cheer up. At least you didn’t decide to play a random playlist of alternative music clips and have your small child see part of this:
There was much scrambling to switch it off, and some awkward questions.
I bet you feel better already! About your kids, about your parenting, even about your decision not to procreate if that applies to you!
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Ha, it is all relative! On this topic I could make you feel awesome but then there’s the issue of community services and all that…
Shitty moments are my jam. I like to share mine because I’d hate for people to go around thinking I’m perfect. Luckily, those who know me best know better.
PS: wish comments allowed for sharing pics, because holes in cakes and general cake fails seems to be a theme over here.
I could try to pretend I’m a perfect parent online, but good luck fooling my neighbors within earshot 😉
First of all, that video was amazing 😆 I have never heard that song before and I will be heading to iTunes as soon as I comment.
I am full of “awesome” parenting moments. I mean damn, it isn’t like they come with a manual. I let my then 5 year-old (now 17) watch Ace Ventura because I watched it when I was a teenager and didn’t remember it be inappropriate,only funny. She was most of the way through when I stopped by her room and was like well shit. I put a little sticker tattoo on my son when he was in kindergarten, a skull with a snake that he got for a quarter out of a little machine. That evening he said his tattoo wasn’t really good for school. I snapped “that’s stupid. Who said that?” My teacher. Oh, um, well then.
I am sure I could clog up your feed with a ton more if I sit and think long enough. No worries, so far they are both pretty good kids, despite my parenting 😆😆😆
The video is hilarious….if you aren’t 4 :D. The limbs flying everywhere! Amazing! I have set the bar pretty low for my spawn….I just want them to stay out of prison.
My kids are in their 20’s now (got started young) but when my oldest was in 1st grade his elementary school got a brand new computer lab. He got mad about something and decided to take scissors and cut the mouse cords on every single computer. Had to replace all the mouses (mice?) and when I asked him why he did it? “I don’t know.” It was the curse of my parents coming back to haunt me because I used to give them the same answer and it infuriated them.
One of my brothers cut an extension cord out of anger once. That was plugged in and turned on. Let’s just say he never did that again! Is your son in jail? Please tell me he isn’t, it will give me hope for mine!
Yea, I can imagine that a little bit of electrocution might sate the anger.
He’s not in jail, although at 25 he did recently get in trouble for trespassing while looking for a pokemon.
Not much trouble, I hope. I would think that would be considered pretty mild crime 😉
Yea, he just got a stern warning. I also had the fear that he, or his brother, or both might end up behind bars. So far so good.
I’ve kept all my genes to myself thus far, mostly because I often forget to water my plants and I’m told it’s frowned upon to forget to feed rugrats, but can I just say that the ingeniousness of cake hole poking… hats off to your kid.
We weren’t as impressed with him 😉
I guess it won’t help to say that if the worst thing your kid has done is poke holes in a cake there’s still plenty of hope. Your spawn have literally been around the world and experienced life in a completely alien culture.
Believe me–I know enough about Australia to know Tennessee might as well be another planet.
Damn, I’m teetering on inspirational here and I don’t have any kids of my own so strike all that.
I once stretched about three dozen long strands of gum across the backseat of my mother’s car. It wasn’t even my gum but some I found on a sidewalk.
To be fair I was building a spider web.
I’m sure your mother was very understanding once she found out what you were making 😀