How To Deter A Jehovah’s Witness

Living in the bible belt, which I called home mere weeks ago, it’s a pretty fair expectation that you’ll be visited at home by someone who wants to talk God with you. I was frankly amazed that it never happened to me. I figured it was just be part of living here. A friend of mine, however, was visited twice by the same pair of JWs in the space of a year and was a tad unimpressed. What did they think they were going to say during the second visit that they hadn’t covered in the first? More importantly, how do you deter a Jehovah’s Witness, without resorting to rudeness, threats, or showing up to the door naked? (Which is definitely a thing that happens, as a former JW told me). I’m really not a fan of being too unpleasant to someone just to avoid an annoying conversation.

I suggested some sort of change in decor which would indicate that the occupants of the home were beyond salvation.

Something subtle.

Something like….Laura.

How to deter a Jehovah's Witness

 

Meet Laura. Laura was once a lovely ornament by a spa bath, changed careers to become a garden statue, and then finally found her true calling. I bought her props on Amazon and had some interesting product recommendations following my purchase, I can tell you. It’s been a few months now, and Amazon seems to have worked out that I’m not interested in buying edible underwear.

Anyone who claps eyes on her and still thinks there’s a chance deserves a few minutes of your time to talk Jesus. If a Laura doesn’t deter a Jehovah’s Witness, you should probably stand at your door and nod politely for a bit. They’ve earned it.

How to deter a Jehovah's Witness

I am an Aussie currently enjoying my time as a non-resident legal alien in the US. You can find me on Facebook and I have also just started lurking around Twitter and Instagram. Come lurk with me!

10 Comments

  1. Brilliant! I love it when they ask me if I’ve heard the good news? I’m like “You’re from Publishers Clearinghouse to award me a big $1,000,000 check?” Sadly, that is never the case.

    I once had a person knock on my door and ask me to sign a petition to deny a liquor license to a restaurant they were building in my neighborhood. Boy, did they knock on the wrong door. I told them I was going to start a petition to make sure they DID get their license. I never did, but luckily there was no need as their petition failed and I was able to enjoy many frosted beverages at that restaurant.

    • Those tassels survived the rain but my friend said they fell off during some particularly cold weather. He said he saved them though. For all I know he’s wearing them himself, though 😀

  2. Laura is lovely. In our new(-ish) neighborhood in North Hollywood, CA (we moved in October, and this is definitely NOT the Bible Belt!), they have recently completed construction on the “church” of Scientology. They’re worse than JW’s, IMO, because WTF do they actually “believe” in, in order to feel good about proselytizing? They don’t come to your front door, but they do accost you on the street with pamphlets for “personality tests” and “stress tests”, all designed to tell you that the person you’ve been up to this point is no good, and you NEED to be FIXED by joining their cult.

    I blogged about it. I’m thankful I’m no longer as angry as I was. Still have a little residual anger, I think. Never got that way with JW’s. 🙂

    • We have them in Sydney too! I remember them handing out info for stress tests and my boyfriend (now husband) explaining to me that they were Scientologists. I had no idea who they were or why they cared about my stress levels.

  3. Laura might deter Jehovah’s Witnesses but I would certainly be intrigued and would want to know more about the people who lived there.
    As an aside my parents used to live next door to a family of Jehovah’s Witnesses and they were unbelievably awful. The JWs, that is–my parents have their moments.
    Their children, who were six and eight, often screamed rudely at my parents. They also wandered into others peoples’ houses and took food because their parents left them on their own with nothing to eat.
    The mother worked in an office and seemed to be a nice person. The father was a house painter who was supposed to watch the children. When he was around he burned old motor oil in a bin in the backyard. My parents hired him to paint their house. He did a terrible job and blamed it on the paint.
    I could go on but I’ll just say that while I’m sure many JWs are lovely people they’re lucky if I answer the door at all, let alone naked.

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