Miami – Little Bit Vice, Little Bit Nice

I’ve booked accommodation online several times for various different trips, but my first night in Miami taught me that maybe, just maybe, I should read more reviews.

Here is what we were expecting to get:

Screenshot of Ocean Surf Hotel ad Miami

Older, but what a charming little Art Deco hotel!

 

And this is where we actually stayed:

Ocean surf hotel Miami

Bahahahaha, nope! You’ll be staying in the manky old shithole next door!

 

We also had the joy of waking up to find that someone had tried to break into our rental car and left scrapes on the window and door. Welcome to Miami, bitches!

Festy accommodation and crime aside, Miami was a pretty cool place to visit. The beaches were warm enough even for a cold blooded creature such as myself to swim in, there was awesome Cuban food available, and a trip highlight, seeing a manatee! (I only discovered a few months ago that they are not the same animal as a dugong, I thought Americans were just using a different name). One of the easiest ways to spot a tourist is to see how much they freak out about getting to see the local wildlife which the locals are probably bored with, and sometimes even annoyed by.

BUT IT’S A FUCKING MANATEE!!!!!!!! LOOK AT IT!!!!!

I was aware that there would be a significant Spanish speaking community there, from what people had told me and from watching Dexter (which I recently found out was barely filmed in Miami at all, but in California locations, so possibly wasn’t the best source of information about the city), but I was surprised how infrequently I heard English being spoken. It was comparable to pockets of Sydney such as Cabramatta, with a large population of immigrants and their next generations, but a whole city rather than a few suburbs. If you lived there, learning at least a bit of Spanish would be a good move.

There were people selling coconuts at the side of the boardwalk we walked on, and I was tempted to get one, until one guy with very bloodshot eyes called out to potential customers “You can pay us in weed!”. Alas I had no weed. Just money.

Miami1

Manatee

Miami2

Brown Anole

An immigrant, apparently – a brown anole. Stealing the jobs of the native green anole!!!

 

Chicken porn

According to google translate, this picture is called “Romance Cock”. My inner sniggering teenager strongly approves.

 

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5 Comments

  1. Dale

    They do say you can’t judge a book by it’s cover but in regards to the ocean surf hotel, that photo summed up the experience quite nicely. What a shit hole.

  2. Paula

    That hotel looks awsome……mind you our last minute hotel in South Beach Miami cost us over $300 a night…..but looking at yours….it was so worth it ????

      • Ryv

        Was there aught of recompense, by chance, or were you stiffed by some policy technicality? I hope so…

        As for the unexpected facets of dwelling in the Sunshine State, back whilst in the Air Force, somewhat briefly stationed at Eglin (near Destin, roughly halfway between Pensacola and Panama City), I made it a point to avoid driving off base when amenable – the driving nearing the mall and downtown in general must have been every time a flirt with fate; people seemed either willfully careless or blind when cutting off myself and others within inches around corners, traffic lights, etc.

        The novelty wore off quickly the more I realized that each drive to the nearby beach might involve serpentine maneuvers!

        • Daniela

          For the car or the room? We thankfully got insurance through the rental, as for the room, since it had been booked online I had zero chance unless I cancelled 30 days in advance apparently. So we stayed. On the plus side, the location was great. And yes, the drivers were a bit too adventurous!

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